Let’s face it. We are all slaves to our own insecurities and paranoia. But, if anything, corporate minions of all shapes and sizes have one thing in common. One universal fear. One outlandish phobia. One suspicion, that if were true, would put 80% of us out of a job. The moment of panic caused by a sudden flash of clarity that if your conference phone’s mute button malfunctioned, it would not only be the end of your career, but you would become the poster child of utter and complete failure. Who would have thought that the expression of one’s own true and honest feelings can be a crime reprimanded by public humiliation and shame. Alas, that is why we spent most our lives learning how to put on our clown suits and do our monkey dances. All that hard work and dedication can be ruined by a single encompassing slip-up. Wait, does green mean that mute is on? Or is it red? Or what if I’ve gone momentarily colorblind and that really is red? But why isn’t anyone talking right now? Did they hear me? Oh. My. Gosh. And just when you are in the middle of formulating your nonsensical cover up story or rapid exit strategy, someone will finally continue the discussion, as if nothing happened. Wait, is it possible that they actually heard me, but decided to deal with it later? Should I scream into the phone right now and test the mute button? As you begin to spiral into an existentialist convulsion, the call finally ends, and you thank god for your eyeballs and functional LEDs.

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